A Woman Lost
by Settees-under-siege
Summary: One shot for 3.5. Cora is struggling to come to terms with the death of her daughter.


**A/N If you are still emotionally reeling from this weeks heartbreaking episode then perhaps don't read this until you feel ready to do so. It is up to you. RIP Lady Sybil xx**

* * *

Cora was not sleeping well at all. It was now a week since the death of her beloved daughter and her dreams were always haunted by Sybil every night. Cora could not break free. She kept going over and over in her mind how it all went so terribly wrong. Sybil's hallucinations were the first sign that something wasn't right. She had felt it so strongly as she stood in that room quietly behind Tom watching her daughter and listening to her babbling on about not being on nursing duty. She leapt up from her chair in her sitting room, her black dress shadowing her every step.

Cora marched over to the window, breathing heavily and struggling to contain the lump that had quickly arisen in her throat. She damned that pompous know-it-all doctor for the umpteenth time and loathed Robert for bringing him into the picture when he wasn't needed. As her dress absorbed the heat, Cora felt herself tiring of this line of thought and dragged herself out of the suns' rays and back to her chair. Shutting her eyes, Cora began to doze off.

_The room was stuffy and hot. Her baby lay in the bed spasming violently. Why wouldn't the doctors stop standing there and DO SOMETHING?! Sybil struggled to breathe. "Help her, help her please!" Tom cried._

Cora's eyes snapped open. Tears were streaming down her face and she was drenched in sweat. Suddenly, Robert charged into the room without knocking, his chest heaving. Cora nearly jumped out of her skin. She staggered to her feet and tried to regain her composure. Robert was looking at her in horror.

"I heard you screaming," he blurted out. "What happened? You were yelling 'no' over and over and I heard it from downstairs." He took a step towards Cora who immediately mimicked his action and took a step back and then another.

"It was a dream, nothing more." She eyed him cautiously.

"Cora you must think me a fool if you expect me to believe that. You should see your appearance." Robert was most pained when he stood another couple of steps towards her and she continued to edge away from him.

"Yes, I do think you a fool! Why couldn't you see that bringing that wretched doctor here was worthless? It doesn't matter how prestigious they are or that they seek to protect their pride. It does matter that _our_ doctor knew Sybil well, much better than that other doctor ever could. And yet that counted for _nothing_," she hissed as tears began to run down her cheeks again. Robert hung his head in shame and grief.

"I wish to God that I had done things differently but I cannot take it back." His voice broke. "I am so sorry, really I am. But I also know that we must look forward, hard as that is. We have a heartbroken son-in-law and a granddaughter who both need us. You were always more accepting of him than I was. We cannot keep going like this because the world will not wait for us. Please, Cora, go to Bra-Tom and talk to him. Tell him we will support him and our grandchild," Robert pleaded. He was banking on Cora's American nature in this moment.

"She was our daughter Robert! And now she is dead. I don't want to talk to him until I am ready so don't push me." Cora blinked back more tears that were threatening. She started for the door and Robert followed her.

"Cora-"

"Do not follow me Robert, I want to be alone and I don't care to talk to you." Cora rushed out of the room and barrelled down the stairs towards the front door leaving Robert standing in her wake, a solitary tear escaping down his own cheek.

* * *

Robert recovered himself and set about doing his rounds on the estate in an effort to keep his mind off his fractured relationship with his wife. If he kept busy, he was ok but in his quiet moments the image of his dead daughter haunted him. Even more importantly, he was desperate for Cora's forgiveness and every time she pushed him away he felt a piece of his heart wither and drop into a void like leaves withering and falling as a harsh winter approached.

Robert arrived back from the cottages in time to change and immediately made a beeline for his room. As he reached his dressing room door O'Brien rounded the corner with Thomas as Robert raised his eyebrows in question.

"Forgive me milord but Her Ladyship hasn't rung the bell all afternoon and no-one has seen her. I just wondered if you could tell me if she wants to get changed before dinner?" O'Brien exchanged a look with Thomas as they watched Robert's face contort tightly, his worry evident.

"You mean to tell me that she has just vanished into thin air?!" Robert spluttered. "Why did nobody tell me?"

"Because you never told anyone where you were going when you left milord," Thomas answered calmly.

"I was out around the estate but that doesn't matter now. Please ask Carson and Mrs Hughes to come to the library as quickly as possible. I won't be getting changed now." Robert turned on his heels and strode back along the landing and down the stairs.

* * *

Robert paced up and down, up and down as he waited for his butler and housekeeper to join him. He knew Cora had been in a serious state when they had spoken earlier and now sincerely wished he had followed her. Once again, he had failed. Robert's chest constricted at the thought and he forced himself onto the sofa to regulate his breathing again. Carson and Mrs Hughes both came promptly through the door and hurried over to him as he jumped to his feet.

"I'll get straight to the point. Her Ladyship is still not back from wherever she has gone and I am worried about her. We need to find her as soon as possible. Please inform everyone so that we may organise a search party of both the family and servants."

"At once My Lord," Carson responded. "And she gave no hint of where she went?" he added slowly.

"I wouldn't be asking for a search party if she had!" Robert said throatily. Carson bowed his head and retreated from the room with Mrs Hughes as Robert sank back onto the sofa. He put his head in his hands and absentmindedly began to massage his temples when he heard a commotion in the hall.

Robert was on his feet immediately as he hurried towards the door. As he opened it, Mrs Hughes nearly flew right into him as she had reached for the handle only for the door to open.

"What is going on?" Robert demanded over Mrs Hughes' flood of apologies. Then his eyes fell on Cora. She was dripping wet and was white as a sheet, even by her fair skinned standards. "_Cora!_" Robert said as he felt a wave of relief wash over him. "What on earth have you been doing?"

"I went for a swim in the creek," Cora replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. Robert hurried to her side.

"Why?" he asked as he struggled to comprehend her actions.

"Because I needed to cleanse myself. I have been feeling so trapped by death that I needed to counter it somehow. Going for a dip in a cold, clear creek has helped me. Now would someone please ask O'Brien to run me a hot bath?" Cora stepped away from Robert and hauled herself up the stairs stiffly leaving Robert more confused and concerned than ever.

"Do you feel a bit better now?" Robert called after her. Cora didn't answer but continued up the stairs with her mind set firmly on her goal to unwind. She was starving but had no desire to eat and she still felt the same about Robert. As Cora slipped into the warm bliss however, for the first time since that dreadful night a week ago, she felt a slither of hope in her heart as she struggled with her grief and fears. And that hope would be enough for today.


End file.
